Well hello there world, it has been A LONG TIME …since I blogged, since I wanted to blog, since I felt I had anything to say … and since I wanted back in to the dating pool. For most of the last 2 years I have hibernated emotionally, tried to get myself back on track and better understood, but you know, sometimes … feelings.
So brief recap, it’s been –
- 16 months since I said goodye to Mr Wrong
- 24 months since I last had sex with Mr Wrong (not very good, shocker)
- 28 months since I last wanted to have sex with Mr Wrong, in an attempt at a relationship reboot. He promised we could start again, but shockingly that involved him getting what he wanted, and me putting out and getting nothing back in return. Nice.
In those 20-ish months, I’ve thought of rejoining the dating game. And it took me a while to realise – actually, maybe it’s not a relationship I want, maybe it’s just COMPANY. Do I want your angst and baggage, no. Do I want to focus endlessly on you, especially if you are a dull-as-fuck whingebag? Hell, no. Do I want some damn fine kissing, Olympic-level spooning and occasional itch-scratching? Well actually, yeah.
And then last week I read an article which clanged a bell LOUD in my head – apparently, women get bored of having sex with their partner after 12 months. So it’s not just me? This is a real thing? Apparently so, and being a mum ranks hiiiiigh on the chart, surprise surprise.
For me, the biggest reason sex becomes dull after a while is that once you’re in a realtionship, men tend to treat you as a surefire captured thing. You are now HIS and therefore, you should be available when He wants sex. Doesn’t matter if you’re tired, ill, not in the mood, if the man wants sex, sex is what is expected to happen. And rudely, considering what you’ll have shared and survived so far in that first year, there’s never a polite entreaty as to the state of your libido this evening, or a long slow move beginning with pointless mid-afternoon kisses and say a candlelit massage.
Nope, once you’re in a relationship foreplay becomes “Hand A (his) moves to Place A (hers) and expects immedaite reaction” – because, well because of Him. And this is where passion dies. This is where sex starts to become a chore and a duty. 10.15 on a Sunday night – boom, clockwork. Hand parts legs – boom, clockwork. No conversation, no reminders of how loved you are, special you are, wanted you are. Man needs sex – boom, and the woman begins to die.
I’ll come back to this in another post because both my long relationships died for this very reason. I don’t want sex when I’m expected to, or by clockwork, I want to be surprised (in a nice way), I want it to be spontaneous, I want it to be an expression of how we feel in the moment – not a timestamp because it’s too many hours since He last came.
So, dating sites it is. I’m on a variety because I live in Lincolnshire and the pool is so shallow it’s practically evaporated.
- So I’m on a nice one – here’s hoping
- I’m on a nice to possibly naughty one – just in case the roulette wheel feels kind
- and then I’m on a naughty one, because sometimes you need things qiucker than the 3rd date, and who knows, maybe he’ll be naughty AND nice … yeh, course he will
What’s interesting is that they all have their fair share of weirdoes, but the weirdness type is bespoke to the website.
Website A is shit. I joined it at the suggestion of a friend and ooooh it is dire. Slim to zero pickings here. Thank god it was free. Huh. Maybe I can still ask for a refund of hope?
Website B thinks itself a little step above the others, and tends to have people looking for relationships. Unfortunately, none of these men can read. One of my main requirements in a possible partner is that they are fairly local, yet the messages from far and wide trickle rather than flood in …. this site is depressing for the soul. There’s also a lack of intelligent males, men of the business world, and my messages mainly come from machine worker, factory worker, and my favourite, unemployed warehouse operative. Yoy.
Website C is much more blatant about what it’s about. People aren’t looking for relationships here, but mainly to have multiple one night stands with multiple people, or to find a great mate who you can have multiple one night stands with until you both grow bored with each other.
Interestingly, because the site is more blatant, so is the language. Gone is the etiquette of hello, how are you, or would you like to chat. Instantly, you’re reduced to a thing, and a fuckable thing at that, and some messages positively take your breath away (more on that in another post). The closest you get to “would you like to chat” is “I’m about to cum on cam, wanna watch?” Er no, very no …..
So, I’m back in the saddle, but not yet sure which horse I’m backing. So far, I’ve had false starts, lame horses, outright donkeys and a steward’s enquiry. It’s been funy if not entirely (or, actually, remotely) fulfilling, but sometimes a girl’s gotta eat.